D.D. and The Search For Balance

The toughest part about life, whether you are a kid or an adult, is figuring out how to create a balance between the things you have to do, and the things you want to do. Mostly because what gets mixed up in there are things you think you should do. It can be brutally hard to separate the things you have to do from the things you think  you should do. Knowing what you want to do is generally pretty easy, but you may not get to them because of all the things you have to do and think you have to do get in the way.

For example, I want to write my own blog, knit a cable knit hood and start a modest crafting business. I also want to play video games, take long naps, construct the coolest container garden any one in this apartment complex has ever seen and continue to advance at my day job at the Corner of Happy & Healthy. I want to raise my daughter to be courageous, compassionate, strong, generous and independent.

The things I have to do are pay the bills, clean the apartment, parent my daughter,and oh yeah, be a half-way decent wife to my best friend and husband, Mr. D. Which means supporting and pushing him as he works to build a business as a Computer Consultant and Repair Technician (and manage the paperwork and accounting for all of that). To pay the bills, I have to be an enthusiastic and intelligent employee who focuses on Customer Service and is ever ready to tackle the never ending array of tasks that need to be done to keep our store in business. Fortunately, the only item in that list I have trouble with on occasion is “intelligent” because, you know, everybody has a day where their brain just doesn’t want to wake up and fire on all four cylinders. Right?

AND I am trying to do all this while battling anxiety, depression and a brain that thinks whatever it is that I’m doing at the moment (like writing this blog post) isn’t the thing I should be doing right now. I should be doing dishes. Or reading that container gardening book and planning that garden. Or I should be writing up the project instructions for the Loom Knitting Class I’ll be scheduling to teach at the local A.C. Moore soon. Oh and the Materials list for the project. And finish the weaving in of the final glove. Then make the yarn flowers to use as accents.

*Pauses to take a few breaths*

Where am I going with all of this? Oh, right, finding balance. As I said, it’s not easy. But as my ambitions and have to do’s have grown on me in the last few weeks I’ve fallen back into my studies of Productivity and Time Management and found a few solutions.

The first thing I did was grab my bullet journal and right down all the things that were running rampant in my brain. It was quite a list! Then I had to find the areas of time where I could do something easy, like shower, or sweep the store, or wash the dishes and think about all the things that were on my mind. I began to sort them by asking myself:

• What do I really /have/ to do to keep our world spinning?
• Why did I think I /should/ do certain things and were they /really/ necessary to keeping our world spinning or were they just external expectations pushed onto me by the outside world?
• What did I really /want/ do and how did those things fit in with my personal goals as an individual, parent, wife and friend?

As I really focused on these questions I was able to drop a lot of tasks from my list and prioritize what remained. I identified what absolutely had to be done, for example: feed the Sassy Fairy, vacuum food debris off the floor to prevent bugs, and pay the bills.

And things I wanted to do in order to feel self-fulfilled such as: write this blog, start the business, knit for pleasure, and plan an edible garden in order to save money. (That gardening one is definitely going to be a blog post in the near future.) Then, since I am blessed to have actually married my best friend, I was able to ask for his help in getting all these things done.

So while I am writing at this moment, he has taken the Sassy Fairy and her new sand toys down to “the backyard” to play, leaving me in peace to write. When I’m done with this post I can work on the Loom Knitting Class task list. I don’t have to worry about cooking dinner because earlier this week I cooked a huge meal with an eye towards having enough left overs to cover dinner for tonight. I will take time to focus on the Sassy Fairy for her meal time, bath time and bedtime rituals. Once she’s settled in bed I can read that container gardening book and note down some ideas for the balcony garden. Tomorrow I can finish the demo gloves and their accents while she plays at her grandmother’s house. Life will be good. 

No, it is good right now. I may not be this in balance all the time but I am for today. And tomorrow.

Probably. Maybe.

Well…We’ll see.

Suggested Resources for Finding Balance

Bullet Journaling 101 by Boho Berry
Creative Awakenings by Sheri Geynor
Getting Things Done by David Allen